The Woes of Solomon Grundy
by Sandileina
Summary: Marui and Akaya maul one of the most beloved children's rhymes of England. Crackness all round!


**Disclaimer: **I don't own them; I'm just borrowing them to play with. ;p

**Rating: **G, I guess?

**Warnings: **Crackness

**Summary: **Marui and Akaya maul one of the most beloved children's rhymes of England.

**Author's notes: **Another Rikkai drabblething. **You don't have to have read the ones that come before this, but it might help a bit. **The drabblething list goes:

**Times of Stress**

**Passing the Time**

**How to ask out Marui Bunta**

**Four Days Later**

**October Ice**

**Because I Love You**

**Evil**

**Further Nonsense**

**Dear Diary**

**Kind of… the same**

**100 Word Challenges**

**Driver in a Hurry, Child in a Coma**

**Doctor, doctor!**

**The Woes of Solomon Grundy**

**-------------------------------**

"Ah, look, I found it!" Marui proclaimed, pleased, dropping the thick book onto Akaya's knees. "There, look, see?"

Akaya glared at him and said, very pointedly, "Ow."

"Oh, stop complaining," Marui said unsympathetically.

"What's that?" Yanagi asked from the corner of the room, finally unable to contain his curiosity any longer. He'd been tending to the various plants and flowers by the windowsill, since he thought it'd be a pity to let them die purely because Akaya had decided that he'd be allergic to all plants until he left the hospital.

Marui grinned at him. "Glad you asked. It's a book of nursery rhyme thingies from England, America, and those other places that aren't here."

"You mean Europe, yes?"

"Probably. I was trying to remember this one to read to Akaya. It's translated into Japanese, but I guess it must be pretty much the same as the original." He took a deep breath and said dramatically, "Solomon Grundy, born on Monday, christened on Tuesday, grown on Wednesday, ill on Thursday, worse on Friday, died on Saturday, buried on Sunday, and that was the end of Solomon Grundy."

"What's a surimun gurundi?"

"It's a name, I think. The name of the guy."

"Why were you trying to quote this to Akaya again?" Yanagi asked, obviously wishing he had one of his little notebooks.

"To prove that he doesn't have the worst life ever. Like this poor Solomon guy."

Akaya contemplated the rhyme on the page in front of him, then said, "But realistically, that doesn't make sense. If it's a… whatsitsface… metaphor. It says it took Solomon Grundy as long to get christened as to grow up."

"Oh, that's true." Marui thought for a moment, and said, "What about; Solomon Grundy, born on Mondayoneminutebeforemidnight, christened on Tuesdayoneminute_after_midnight, grown on Wednesday, etc."

"Yeah, that's better. But he wouldn't be grown on Wednesday, would he? He'd be growing from Mondayoneminutebeforemidnight onwards."

"Oh yeah. Ok then, it'd be born on Mondayoneminutebeforemidnight, christened on Tuesdayoneminute_after_midnight, grown from Mondayoneminutebeforemidnight onwards but stopping by the end of Wednesday."

"You'd have to change the Saturday and Sunday ones too."

"Mm, true. Died on Saturday, buried very shortly after?"

"Why not just the minute after midnight thing?"

"Cos, see, then he'd have been ill for years and years and years."

"Maybe he was?"

"Nah, he probably just had some sort of really bad flu or something," Marui nodded wisely. "So he'd have had to have died on Saturdayoneminuteaftermidnight. See?"

Awed by Marui's sudden burst of wisdom, Akaya agreed. "So now the rhyme goes… how does it go?"

"Solomon Grundy, born on Mondayoneminutebeforemidnight, christened on Tuesdayoneminute_after_midnight, grown from Mondayoneminutebeforemidnight onwards but stopping by the end of Wednesday, ill on Thursday, worse on Friday, died on Saturdayoneminuteaftermidnight and buried shortly after, rotting on Sunday. And that is the end of Solomon Grundy."

"But wouldn't he go to heaven?"

"Huh. Well, maybe he was too bad to go there and just stayed in his body?"

"It doesn't say that he was a bad man though," Akaya said, studying the original rhyme carefully.

"Well, I guess not… Ok, ok, died on Saturdayoneminuteaftermidnight and buried shortly after, rotting on Sunday, and that is the end of Solomon Grundy's _physical_ body, butnotSolomonGrundybecausehelivedonintheafterlife."

Satisfied, Akaya nodded. "Pass me a pen, Yanagi-senpai," he requested. Mind going through the temporary meltdown that it always did when he spent too long in both Marui and Akaya's company, Yanagi obliged. Akaya scribbled out the rhyme and diligently wrote the new, improved, and far more realistic version of Solomon Grundy. He and Marui eyed it with an air of smugness.

"Solomon Grundy, born on Mondayoneminutebeforemidnight, christened on Tuesdayoneminute_after_midnight, grown from Mondayoneminutebeforemidnight onwards but stopping by the end of Wednesday, ill on Thursday, worse on Friday, died on Saturdayoneminuteaftermidnight and buried shortly after, rotting on Sunday. And that is the end of Solomon Grundy's _physical_ body, butnotSolomonGrundybecausehelivedonintheafterlife," Marui read.

"We should read it to Mura-buchou," Akaya said. "I bet he'd be really proud. He said last week that I should get a better sense of reality."

"Definitely. What do you think, Yanagi?"

"… Honestly?"

"Yep."

"… I think Mura will like it. But don't show it to Genichiroh. I think he might start crying."

**-------------------------------**

Sandy: Ta-dah :) LOL Don't ask me where this came from, because I don't remember at all :o

Lemme know what you think? Please? 6.6 Reviews make me happy as a happy thing in happyland. Happier than Akaya with a new box of crayons, in fact. If that's possible.


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